Tag Archive | ScatteredWhimsy

Backward Encouragement

Feb18

Even before I longed to become a published author, I wanted to become a stay-home mom. I would daydream about baking cookies with my kids in the kitchen, or reading books to them at night. Laughing with them on a family vacation, or having deep discussions cuddled in bed.

Never did I dream about the arguments, the bickering, the whining, the selfishness, the manipulation for power, the fight for control. Never did I consider the long-lasting effects of post-partum-turned-full depression, the mommy guilt inflicted by myself and society, the internal conflict when disciplining my children. 

There are some women who rock the role of “Mom”—at least it looks that way to those watching from a distance. But I think most of us would agree that being a mom is the most taxing job a woman can do. Nothing like having a child hang around to reveal our shortcomings: deficient in patience, abundant in anger. Lacking compassion, teeming with selfishness. Low on self-control, yet driven to control our children.

Suffice it to say, motherhood hasn’t turned out like I thought it would. And now, with my youngest halfway through sixth grade, I stand closer to the point in which my time of being the best influence in my children’s lives will come to an end. Considering I feel like I’ve spent much of that time messing up, it’s a depressing thought.

Where am I going with this? Well, this is actually supposed to be a post of encouragement. Back in November, when I wrote Light in the Darkness, I wanted to make sure I didn’t just talk the talk, but that I walked it, as well. Especially when it came to praying Scripture over me and my family. God had been making it clear He wanted me to work on what I said, how I said it, and tempering my initial emotional responses to different situations, so I took a couple weeks to read through Proverbs and write down any verses that spoke to me about words and tempers. (There are plenty of verses, mind you, but not all of them are applicable to my personal life.)

After jotting down the verses on 3×5 cards, I began to pray through them most mornings. I’m still praying through them. Actually, it’s more like craying through them, because I have yet to get to the third verse before I start crying.

I knew praying these verses wasn’t like saying some magical spell and *poof* my issues would disappear. On the contrary, I knew my challenges and “opportunities” to practice what I was praying would increase, so I was prepared for that. And I figured I’d be able to give you all a report on the positive results and encourage those of you who might be having similar struggles.

But I wasn’t prepared for still feeling like a failure three months later.

I thought surely by now I’d see some improvement. That I’d drop my kids off at the bus stop and come home with a light heart rather than a heavy one. That I’d keep my emotions in check when Hubby and I discussed the budget or vacation plans or politics (we have the same political view, I’m just a fatalist and he’s an idealist, so…). I suppose there are times I keep my mouth shut when I’d rather yell. Times I pause to listen when I’d rather speak. But it’s not often enough.

Okay, so how is this encouraging?

Because maybe you’re in the same boat. Maybe you’re praying Scripture over yourself and/or your family and you’re struggling. Maybe you’re trying to change in one or more areas and you feel you’re not getting anywhere. Maybe you figure this isn’t worth it and you want to give up.

I want to encourage you not to give up. Cuz I’m not giving up. Sometimes we have to dig in and fight over a long period of time in order to win a battle. Clearly, the devil doesn’t like what I’m doing and he’s determined to discourage me any way he can. (Usually that’s when we know we’re onto something good: if we’ve gained the devil’s attention.) But I refuse to pay attention to him this time. I will continue to pray Prov 16:24, that my words would be kind like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body (there’s a whole sermon in this one, given all we know today about the amazing properties of honey). I’ll continue to pray James 1:19a, my verse for the year (instead of a word for the year), that I would be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. And I’ll keep sharing my progress with you from time to time, even when it’s not going as well (or fast) as I’d like.

My hope is that by this time next year, I will not look, sound, or act like I do today. Not that I’ll have “arrived,” but I trust I will have taken several steps in the right direction. Because I only have a few years left to speak life into my kids; to love on them when they’re unloveable; to “direct them onto the right path, [that] when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Prov 22:6 NLT).

The Christian faith is not easy, contrary to what people outside the faith like to claim, but we’re called to persevere. God will not fail you or me. His words will not fail. And given what the world looks like right now, wrapped in His Word is the perfect place to be for our emotional stability, our sanity, our peace. So keep reading and keep praying. We will see progress eventually.

If you’re curious, here are some of the verses (NLT) that make me cry on a daily basis: 😉

Prov 10:11      The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain.

Prov 10:13      Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding.

Prov 10:19      Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (This one makes me smile through my tears.)

Prov 10:21      The words of the godly encourage many.

Prov 10:31      The mouth of the godly person gives wise advice.

Prov 12:16      A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. (I add “and incited, and angered, and annoyed…)

Prov 12:18      The words of the wise bring healing.

Prov 15:28a    The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking.

Prov 18:13      Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish. (How many times I’ve proven this one true! 😦 )

Prov 18:20      Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.

Prov 19:13b    A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.

Prov 20:24      The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way? (Guilty!!)

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DIY North Pole

Jan28

I know, I know. It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Ever since my kids entered school (over nine years ago now), doing much writing outside of the bare minimum between Halloween and early January has proven difficult. It’s bad enough to have Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and all four of our birthdays mashed into seven weeks. But when you add all the school-related activities during and after school hours (especially now that our oldest is in high school), it becomes a burden. And when writing becomes a burden, the words get blocked.

Plus, this year I was determined to work on—and finish!—a book-related project that I’d wanted to start on last year and never did. And then, once January rolled around, I wanted to focus on my sequel because I was “this close” to finishing the first draft. I completed said draft last week (yay!), thus I can now focus on a blogpost…

…In which I’m sharing the project I just mentioned. 🙂 So, before we get any closer to Valentine’s Day, here is my North Pole sign post, à la Flitterndorf. (For those who don’t know, Flitterndorf is the name of my village in Tinsel in a Tangle where the elves and Kringles live.)

I created it with storage in mind. In other words, I can remove all place names but the top one from the pole (you can see in the pic that I used cup and eye hooks to hang them) and remove the pole from its base, should I want to pack it away down in my crawl space. But methinks it will hang out somewhere in the house for a long while after the other Christmas decorations are gone. Having it around helps fuel my motivation to continue progress on the sequel. Second draft, here I come!

The 12” X 3.25” wooden boards I found at Hobby Lobby. They started out as rectangles until I sheared off the two corners at one end. I found the 4’ pole at Lowe’s, 2” in diameter. And the splice of log for the base came from our own pile of firewood in the backyard (thanks, Hubby!).

I thought I could simply drill a 2” hole in the base and move on to creating the signs, but 1) the 2” drill bit needed for our drill press cost more than we wanted to spend during the holiday season, and then, when I settled for using the 1” drill bit, 2) the log base was too thick to fit between the base of the drill press and the drill bit, and 3) Hubby wasn’t around to help cut the base thinner and I was tired of waiting on this project, so…yeah. 

Doing what any other impatient crafter would do, I improvised. Using the 1” bit and my hand-held drill, I drilled out as much of the 2” hole as possible and chiseled out the rest.

Ah, such an easy thing to say—“chisel out the rest.” Not an easy thing to do. 😐

And yet, that wasn’t even the hardest part of the project.

The lettering proved the hardest.

I’d never worked with a paint marker before, so inexperience was against me. And I’m a leftie. Lefties aren’t typically known for our beautiful penmanship, since the lettering system in America is right-hand biased. Thus, the direction of the swirls and the slant of the letters in the font I chose (found on Pinterest) are done in the opposite direction a leftie would naturally choose, if given the option. Which we’re not, so we adapt. 😉

To get the look of the letters just right, I had to first write the words on paper (lots of erasing involved!), then I taped the paper to the piece of wood, and traced the lines with a pencil and heavy hand to make an impression in the wood surface. Once I had a faint outline to follow, I took the paint marker in hand, said a prayer (no joke), and slowly traced my impressions with the marker, working from right to left so my hand didn’t mar the lettering.

  • Using a heavy hand to create an impression on the wood.
  • First 3 signs are complete. 4th sign needs another coat of marker paint. About to start 5th sign.
  • A pic of the impression.

It’s hard to see in the pictures, but I also stapled a length of garland to the pole and draped battery-operated LED lights along the garland. I’m still on the lookout for some wooden ball or small lantern I can attach to the top of the pole, but for this Christmas, I called it good.

So, there’s my little Flitterndorf flair for the holidays. And if any of you were also crazy enough to tackle a new project in the month of December, I’d love for you to share in the comments! 😀

Black Friday Freebie

Nov23

Before we get to the freebie, I want to say, “Happy Thanksgiving!” I hope you had a wonderful day, no matter if you celebrated with a full-fledged turkey, “like Grandma used to make it,” or you cooked up some tofurkey, like my sister-in-law, or if turkey-something wasn’t even on the menu. 🙂

As much as I love Christmas, it’s Thanksgiving when I miss being with extended family. When I was growing up, three sets of spouses and eight kids would all converge at my grandparents’ house on the side of Mt. Kearsarge in New Hampshire and milk an entire long weekend out of the holiday. Sledding down the hillside; hiding among the boulders bordering the driveway; tromping through the woods; card games at the kitchen table; movies in the living room; imaginative play down in the finished half of the basement and/or upstairs in the painting room; raiding our grandmother’s closet for shoes, hats, outer garments; rummaging through her huuuuge stash of nail polish for just the right color…. I remember lots of love, laughter, squabbles, zealous discussions, and did I mention laughter? 😉

I know not everyone has fond memories of Thanksgiving, but I pray this year, you were able to find several things you could lift to God in praise. Earlier this week, I shared over on Storyteller Squad how we should even thank God for the less-pleasant things that happen in our lives—not an easy feat, no. Go here if you want to read the whole post.

I do, however, have some wonderful news for which I’m extremely thankful. At the beginning of November, I learned that Tinsel in a Tangle was a finalist in the Literary Classics International Book Awards, and last week, I found out it won in both the Holiday and Best First Book categories! *squeals and throws confetti* I will definitely will be riding high on that announcement for a while. 🙂

Now for those eager for the freebie…there’s a Kindle copy of Tinsel waiting for you here on Amazon! It will be free from now through November 27th, so if you know other Christmas-loving people—adults or youth—who would enjoy this tale, help me spread the word, and happy reading! I’m thankful to all of you who have encouraged me and supported me over the years, whether in the comment field below or in person or via a text message. ❤ May the rest of your holiday season be merry—and don’t forget to take time to relax!

Light in the Dark

Nov13

A Light Shines Best in the Darkness.-3

The above words came to me as I was praying last week about the mid-term elections. And it reminded me of Jesus’s words in Matthew 5:14-16, when He says, “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” (NLT version)

Rather than thinking, “Yeah, that’s cool. Heard it before. Christians are supposed to be the light, uh huh,” I stopped to analyze why light shines best in the darkness. What are its properties? What are the differences between light and dark?

When I think about light in today’s terms—in the forms of lamps, candles, campfires, etc.—I come up with a sense of calm, peace, warmth, protection, contentment, thanksgiving, joy, comfort. (How many more traits can you add to this list?)

But in view of Jesus’s command, how does the Bible see “light”? Away to Biblegateway.com I went, to do a quick study on when the word “light” appears in in the Bible. Aside from when it’s used in terms of weight, here are just a few verses I found (NLT version):

In Exodus 13, we have God revealing Himself as a pillar of light to the Israelites as they escaped from Egyptian captivity. Light implies guidance.

In Psalms 119:105, David says, “Your Word is a light for my path.” Here it implies insight & illumination.

In John 1:5, John says Jesus is the light that “shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it” (can I get an amen?!).

In John 12:46, Jesus likens himself to light when he says, “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.” Light is salvation.

Philippians 2:15 commands us to “live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.” Light is innocence and purity.

1 Thessalonians 5:5 says, “For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night.” Light is our identity.

Ephesians 5:8 says, “[O]nce you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.” Light is the Holy Spirit.

Did you catch that last one? When we make Jesus our Lord & Savior, the Holy Spirit—God himself—comes to take up residence within us. We have His presence. His power. His love. His light shining through us to a darkened world. He is the light we should bring everywhere we go, whether it be a physical place like the grocery store, or online like social media.

Light shines best in the darkness because it stands in stark contrast to its surroundings. And it can’t help but draw people closer because of that difference, because of its love, its promise of life.

Can we say our lives look different from the world around us? Do our lives exude love and a promise of life? Or have we allowed the world to influence our behavior and dim our light? How do we stand out in the 21st century if our lives look the same as (and in some cases, worse than) our non-believing neighbors?

You’re not going to like what I suggest. Not at first, anyway. It’s extremely simple, yet if it were easy, we Christians wouldn’t have such a problem. But the truth of the matter is that deep down, we don’t want to do this.

I’m not talking about trying harder. It has nothing to do with trying harder.

If we’re going to live out our faith and be a light that attracts others to Jesus, we must start by reading the Bible.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”

The world tries to convince us it knows better than God on how to do life. And we are caving to those lies because we spend countless hours scrolling through social media that reflects the world’s values, and watching endless hours of entertainment that reflects the world’s values, which feeds our minds with those values, which skews our thoughts about God and His ways, which causes us to doubt Him (note: instilling doubt is how Satan got Eve to eat the apple in the first place).

And when we don’t purposely make the time to spend with God and read His Word, how can we possibly think we’ll have what it takes to know His heart or fight for what He values when we’re in the trenches of daily life?

Don’t feel like praying or reading the Bible? No problem. Tell Him. He already knows about it, anyway. 🙂 Unsure what or how to pray? Again, not a problem. Pray through the Scriptures. When I was in college, the youth pastor at my home church suggested we pray through the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7) each morning. In those chapters, we have Jesus’s teaching about anger, adultery, divorce, revenge, loving our enemies, not judging others, generosity, the “Golden Rule,” bearing fruit, etc. I did this during my college years, and yet I still learn new things as a forty-something whenever I reread it.

Colossians 1:9-12 is also a powerful place to start: “We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. 11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.”

And I can’t forget to suggest Ephesians 1:16-19… “I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, 17 asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. 18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. 19a I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him.”

Are these not amazing words to pray over ourselves and our loved ones?!

If we’re sincere about changing our behavior and habits, God will lovingly ignite that spark in us to want to know Him better…and fan that flame that compels us to change our ways…and grow that fire into a personal testimony that encourages others in their struggles.

It’s time to shut off our TVs, put down our phones, and pick up our Bibles. Time to wear out our carpets and floorboards with prayer. Time to speak the truth in love, not anger; with compassion, but not concession.

After all, there’s a dark world full of lost souls God desperately loves, who, in turn, are desperate for a bit of Light. May we be ready and trustworthy to bring it to them.

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Some Halloween Fun…

Oct15

IMG_2116After I created my snowman phone carrier a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but think about what I could make for the interim period between the warm, summer days that we’ve left behind here in MT and the Christmas season that–aside from me–no one wants to be reminded of quite yet. 😉 I browsed through Pinterest for autumn ideas, and when I found some fun pumpkin faces, the lightbulb went on in my brain. Jack-o-lantern! I couldn’t start knitting right away, however, as I didn’t have any orange wool yarn, and none of the craft stores nearby offer that color, so I went to my go-to online store for most of my knitting needs, KnitPicks, then waited for my order to arrive.

IMG_2286

Finished product.

I was going to make this carrier with a pocket, like the snowman, but I knit the body of the carrier before I realized I was supposed to knit the black eyes and nose at the same time, so it ended up having a zippered compartment instead (I knit the body first, top to bottom, then work back up just over halfway for a pocket, or all the way back to the top for the zippered compartment). His spiraled “hair,” if you will, is actually crocheted, a bit of a leap for me, considering I previously only knew how to do a chain stitch. I found this amazing video on YouTube, however, that made creating the spirals easy-peasy–even for me, who’s not adept at holding the hook and yarn properly (yes, it’s that different from knitting!). But after such a well-done tutorial, I’m tempted to dip more than my toe into the waters of crochet… 😉

I hope your October is going well. We’ve already had snow here in MT, although this week the temps are supposed to be a little warmer, a little more seasonal. Just a quick reminder that my giveaway is going on for a couple more days over at StoryTellerSquad, so if you want a chance to win a signed, paperback book of Tinsel in a Tangle, simply head over there and leave a comment below my post. I’ll announce the winner on that site on Oct 19th. 🙂 Blessings!

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Celebrate Good Times…With a Giveaway

Oct3

I’m part of a small group of published and pre-published writers through ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers), and we recently started a group blog called Storytellersquad.com, where I will be contributing a post about once a month. Today is my first day over there—and it’s also my book birthday! *throws confetti*

new-years-eve-1040633_1280To celebrate, I’m giving away a signed paperback copy of Tinsel in a Tangle to one random winner who leaves a comment below my post at Storyteller Squad (even a simple “I’m interested!” will suffice). I hope you’ll swing by, check out the site, and leave a comment. Note: you need NOT follow the blog in order to comment. 🙂 Here’s the link. The giveaway will remain open for two weeks and I’ll make a quick announcement of the winner on Oct 18th. Even if you already own a copy (thank you, btw!), books make great Christmas presents!

And if you’ve read it and enjoyed it, I would be thrilled if you could leave a brief review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. Reviews make wonderful (and free!) gifts for authors. 😉 😉

Have a blessed day!

Too Much To Ask

Sep17

Twenty years ago, I spent the summer before my senior year of college working with missionaries in Austria, after which I traveled to Heidelberg, Germany, where I studied for a semester at the university. God asked something of me during that time that has had a long-lasting impact on my life. It’s His question–and the results of my answer–that I wrote about in my entry to the Guideposts contest. I now share it with you. While it’s longer than my usual posts, I hope my story will encourage and maybe even challenge you in your own relationship with God.

Twenty-year-old me. I LOVED those jeans!
All the countries and towns/cities I visited between June 9th and Dec 29th, 1998.

***

Too Much To Ask

 

I cross my arms, my fingers digging into my biceps. “You’re joking, right, Lord?”

A valley unfolds down the slope before me, most of it in Austria, but a piece of it belongs to Germany. The grassy carpet rolls over the gentle hills, dotted with a house here, a barn there, a road winding along the edge of the mountains in the distance.

Since childhood, I’ve longed to take my place here in Europe. For the past three years of college, I’ve worked with that goal in mind; anticipated that sense of “home” in stepping upon foreign soil. And now God’s threatening to take it away?

My stomach twists and the ache grows in my heart.

I blame the missionary couple I’m staying with for the summer. Or maybe I blame their son, Josh. Maybe all three. They just had to tell me about Josh’s decision to pursue God instead of girls during his freshman year of college. Noble, right? More noble than I could have been as a frosh. I mean, I’m a good girl, but guys pose a definite distraction. Can you fault me? Trailing behind my dream of living in Europe is that of being a wife and stay-home mom—two roles that require a husband.

I’m hoping to find that husband in Europe. Preferably Germany, where I’ll be headed in a couple weeks’ time to study in Heidelberg.

“Yet You want me to date You instead?” I glare into the bright blue sky overhead. “For how long?”

Six months.

My jaw drops and tears bite my eyes. “That will take me all the way through February! I’ll have returned to the States by then.” I kick a clump of grass at my feet then turn from the view that had given me solace these last few weeks. “No way, God. You’re asking too much of me.”

***

Three days later, I’m still arguing with Him.

I’d like to pretend I hadn’t heard his voice, but you know what happens when you ignore God—you get swallowed by a whale.

What are you afraid of?

His gentle prodding comes as I push the mop across the dining room floorboards of the Schwaigmühle, a retreat house in northern Austria for family and church groups. Late morning sunlight slants through the windows, and I bat at the dust motes in the air with a scowl.

“I’m afraid this is going to kill any chances I have for finding my future husband.”

Don’t you trust Me?

The words ping my heart. Of course, I trust Him. But this is my love life we’re talking about. Sure, His mere breath put the universe in motion…and He orchestrated to perfection the fulfillment of history’s most prophesied events surrounding His Son…and He stands victorious already…and—

Okay, so He wouldn’t find a love life that hard to manage. Worse-case scenario, if I cross paths with my future husband during the months I’m dating God, He’ll arrange a meet-cute when I’m available again. Right?

“Fine, God.” Dirty water swirls in the bucket as I rewet the mop. “I still say You’re asking a lot, but I’m less PO’d now than I was before. Let’s do this.”

The next time I’m in Salzburg for my day off, I head to the little flea market, browse through the jewelry kiosks, and come away with a tiny purchase hugging my ring finger. The wedding band look-alike will remind me I’m “taken” for the next six months—and if it allows me a casual way to share my faith with others, so much the better.

***

Shortly thereafter, I leave Austria for Germany to meet up with the other American students in the Junior Year Abroad program. Some of them are seniors in college, like me. Plenty of cute guys abound, but a new peace resides in my chest rather than anxiety, and I enjoy getting to know them on a level that doesn’t include potential for romance. This is a type of freedom all its own. A God-given contentment.

I’m issued my living quarters and a smile spreads across my face. Rather than moving into a dorm room on the University campus, I’m given my own space in a large house along the Neckar River. My eyes widen when I behold the French doors in my room. Operational? You bet. And it leads to my own private balcony. Not only does it overlook the river right across the street, but I’ve got the perfect view of Schloss Heidelberg (the castle!) atop the hill on the opposite bank.

Best. Room. Ever.

One of the other American students, a lively girl named Vera, stays in a room above me in the renovated attic. We become fast friends and together end up exploring Germany’s culture and many of the surrounding towns.

Days stretch into weeks stretch into months. I hang out with God in the mornings, memorizing scripture and praying with more focus, and on Friday and Saturday nights, I spend time with either Vera and friends, or on a “date” with God. I journal. I listen. I bask in a calm and relief I’d never known in my previous boy-crazy state. My “wedding” ring draws questions, which lead to skeptical looks from some, but interest and further conversations from others. Snow starts falling by mid-October, almost two months earlier than my hometown in New England, and given I love the white stuff, I count it as another blessing.

I head to the local movie theater a few times, once to catch a German-made film and twice to watch movies from the US. In the darkened theater to view The Horse Whisperer, starring Robert Redford, I sit with mouth agape at the large-ness of the Montana landscape. That one state is easily the size of some smaller European countries.

The United States is huge. And beautiful. And I’m a citizen. My chest swells with…American pride? Weird.

At the same time, something else nudges its way beside my dream to live in Europe.

It’s small. Fragile. And stubborn.

A desire to see the American West for myself.

I nearly snort out loud.

Me? Visit Colorado? Wyoming? Utah? Me, the girl who’s spent as much time aching for Europe as she has spurning talk of cowboys and Stetsons and John Deere tractors?

Yeah, that’s asking too much, God.

***

I travel with the local Campus für Christus—Campus Crusades—for a weekend retreat, where we join other groups from nearby towns and universities. I’m the only American, which makes me intriguing for that reason alone, and I catch the eye of an über cute German guy. Boy-crazy me would have responded to his flirtations with some of my own, but I’m already taken…and he seems to be, as well, if the wary vibes I receive from the girl at his side are any indication. Instead of focusing on him, God-dating me focuses on befriending the girl and in an unspoken way, easing any anxieties she might have that I’m after her man. My heart is light. Happy. Complete.

Christmas break comes all too soon—and with it the realization that Germany/Europe might not factor into my future as much as I’d always believed. That silly American pride keeps growing, as well as that idea of maaaaybe taking a trip out West after I graduate. Don’t know what that will look like, but the fact I’m even considering crossing the Mississippi River is cause for celebration…or alarm.

Still wearing my ring and seeing no prospective German husband on the horizon (I never did get that sense of “home”), I return to the States in time for the New Year then head into my last semester of college. Funny—the guys at college don’t hold the same fascination for me as they once did.

February 28th arrives, marking the end to my six months. Such a small span of time, really, yet dating God has strengthened me with new insight and confidence where my future love life is concerned. I decide I’m done chasing boys. It’s beyond time they chased me, instead.

Too much to ask? Nah.

On March 1st, I slip off my ring. Tarnish and corrosion have begun to set in along the cheap metal (hello, penny-pinching college student here), but I tuck the ring among my costlier pieces of jewelry for safe-keeping and sentimental value.

Several days later, I return home to spend spring break with my parents. On Sunday, I greet friends at church I haven’t seen in ten months, lingering in the foyer to catch up on their news and share my own. As the first chords of the worship team signal a start to the service, I step into the sanctuary and glance around for my folks.

Instead, I see him.

Alone in the front row, eyes closed and face lifted as he sings, stands one of the pastor’s sons. A few years older than me, he and I barely ran in the same circles in the high school youth group. I don’t even remember his name. And is that…? My gaze zeroes in on his hands.

He’s holding a black Stetson.

Six months ago, I would have wrinkled my nose in disgust.

But God’s done strange things in me over the last few months, and there’s an even stranger tug on my heart. I wonder—

No! Ugh. I can’t make it one week after I stop dating God before my boy-crazies kick in!

And yet…

My gaze wanders back to the pastor’s son.

It’s Your call, Lord. I slide along the row of chairs to join my parents as my prayer slides upward to Heaven. I’m not doing the chasing. Help me be content and wait for Your timing. I want Your best for me, not what I think is the best. Help me be patient.

The familiar hymn we’re singing drifts about me in a hug, and with renewed determination, I shift my focus from the pastor’s son to the backlit wooden cross at the front of the sanctuary.

***

Alice Walker once wrote, “Time moves slowly but passes quickly.” In a few blinks of an eye, twenty years separate me from those months I dated God. Half my life. Yet, the older I get, the more I appreciate the silver lining in having chosen Him over guys:

Regret-free memories of an amazing time in my life, memories that sweeten with the passing years.

As opposed to the cringe-worthy, boy-focused flashbacks from my high school and college days, remembrances of my time in Germany only ever generate a smile. Never does the face of an ex-boyfriend or an unrequited crush get in the way to smudge the mental images. My recollections remain warm, airy, positive. And as I have yet to return to Germany, the ability to cherish that unique period in my life means more to me now as an adult than it did when I lived it.

That pastor’s son I noticed from a distance? Poor guy had to jump through hurdles when chasing me, but we got married in May of 2000, a year after I graduated college. Two years later, we ended up making that trip to the American West—and by “trip,” I mean “move.” First to Colorado for several months, then Nebraska for several years, then Montana…where, as I drove over the state border in a car laden with moving boxes and two sleeping toddlers, that long-anticipated word pulsed in my heart: Home.

I was coming “home” to a part of the country that used to make me cringe.

Ten years later, we’re still here.

Who would’ve guessed?

Not me. Never me.

But God knew.

He knew, and He beckoned me, and I’m grateful I listened. I still have a soft spot for Austria, Germany, and the German language, but I don’t regret where life—God—has taken me. With the benefit of hindsight, I can reflect on the last two decades and testify that He is faithful “to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Eph 3:20) All it requires is a little surrender on our part.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?

***

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On a hill overlooking Grossgmain, Austria. That is not a fake view. The grass really looks that amazing.

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In case you can’t read my writing, the pic on the left, taken from the Alte Brücke, is the view of the house in which I stayed. The pic on the right is a closeup of said house.

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Greetings from my balcony!

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Although this is a postcard, it’s pretty much spot-on as to the view I had from my balcony. I walked across that bridge, the Alte Brücke, every day to attend classes.

***

It’s difficult to convey the depth of emotion I had to struggle through during this time in my life, as I’d spent many a childhood and teenage night crying into my pillow, my heart physically aching, despairing I would never make it to Europe. And then to have that dream realized…only to discover the grass wasn’t greener on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean…. Sigh. Lots of feels.

Despite knowing I’m where God wants me, despite the contentment I feel here in Montana, there are still times when I tear up, thinking of what never was, a BA in German that was never used. But then I wonder if God has some plans yet to come in that area. Time will tell.

Has God ever asked you to surrender a dream over to Him? Maybe He then gave it back to You, merely wanting to make sure you were willing to put Him first. Or maybe He took it and gave you something even better in return. Or perhaps you’re going through such a situation now, and you have no clue how it’s going to turn out. If you have a story to share, I’d love to hear it in the comments. 🙂